I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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