We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
