i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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