Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dignity is for republicans.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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