things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
