found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
