He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
