spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
