Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
