he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
