my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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