just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
