I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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