definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
