Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
