turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
