im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
