the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I am available for nakedness
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
