i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we have pet lesbian snakes
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
