I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think I just shit out all my problems.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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