We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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