The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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