Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
