I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
