I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
