Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
