Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
