from now on my penis is your penis
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
