isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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