awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
