It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
