You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
