I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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