I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
