Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
