Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
