$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
