are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
