you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
