Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
