is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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