Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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