what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
