One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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