I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
