I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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