I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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