if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
