Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My dick has a subreddit
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
