Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
