Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
