I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
