bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
